Somebody came to me today and asked what my New Year resolution is. I became king by my own hand, I revenged the murder of my people, and I saved entire kingdoms from doom. I have achieved more in my life than most less massive mortals, but that was many years ago. The jewels have no sparkle and the gold has lost its lustre; I suppose it is time for me to get a real job.
It was the same as every year; to achieve what is best in life by crushing enemies, laminating women, etc. This year will be different.
This year I will be more than a fool who laughs at death, for I will have superannuation. This year I plan to equip a +1 tie and seek glory in interviews and bathe in the blood, sweat and tears. This year I will battle against the other challengers, who dare call me equal, who dare to sit in the same waiting room, who dare contemplate standing before me, Conan, claiming what is rightfully mine!
I am Conan the Barbarian! Conan the Destroyer! Conan the Applicant! I have a resume and I would like to see the manager!