Wednesday, December 14, 2011

More Rejected Tea Bar Flavours

  • HomeopaTEA: There was tea in the cup once. I'm pretty sure now you're just drinking hot water.
  • MisTEAA strong scented tea with hints of flowers and berries. Made from 100% English fog.
  • ProperTEAA stiff country English black tea with a strong, hard flavour foundation. Strata rates not included in price.
  • GolfTEAA long white tea with a yeasty linger or a shorter red tea if you are a women. Tastes like a wasted afternoon with one part bug repellent, and one part tweed.
  • MinTEA: Whats this gooey white crap in the bottom of my cup?
  • InfirmiTEA: A green tea, laced with laxitives and tranquilisers. Deeply relaxing.
  • NasTEA: Incredibly expensive tea which has been specially prepared by feeding it to a specific breed of cow only found in the highlands of Tibet. The digestive action of the cows nine stomachs gently tenderises and mellows the flavour of the tea, resulting in a rich earthy flavour.
  • WitTEAA fruity tea made with pages of the original complete works of Oscar Wilde. It declares nothing but brilliance.
  • GoaTEA: A black tea, with added hair, that tends to get stuck all over your face when you attempt to drink it.
  • DepraviTEALeft to age in the drying sun, with chilli and pepper, this tea is made from the souls of tea pickers of old with a blend of oolong. This tea is best brewed at 75 degrees C, but was boiled as an effigy by the Occupy Wall Street protesters. Best enjoyed with milk.
  • DeformaTEA: An unusual tea, from a particularly pest ridden area. Strong pesticides are used to return a decent yield, resulting in a unique, but pleasing taste. A flavour that will be surely remembered for many generations to come.

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