More Rejected Tea Bar Flavours

• HomeopaTEA: There was tea in the cup once. I'm pretty sure now you're just drinking hot water.
• MisTEA: A strong scented tea with hints of flowers and berries. Made from 100% English fog.
• ProperTEA: A stiff country English black tea with a strong, hard flavour foundation. Strata rates not included in price.
• GolfTEA: A long white tea with a yeasty linger or a shorter red tea if you are a women. Tastes like a wasted afternoon with one part bug repellent, and one part tweed.
• MinTEA: Whats this gooey white crap in the bottom of my cup?
• InfirmiTEA: A green tea, laced with laxitives and tranquilisers. Deeply relaxing.
• NasTEA: Incredibly expensive tea which has been specially prepared by feeding it to a specific breed of cow only found in the highlands of Tibet. The digestive action of the cows nine stomachs gently tenderises and mellows the flavour of the tea, resulting in a rich earthy flavour.
• WitTEA: A fruity tea made with pages of the original complete works of Oscar Wilde. It declares nothing but brilliance.
• GoaTEA: A black tea, with added hair, that tends to get stuck all over your face when you attempt to drink it.
• DepraviTEA: Left to age in the drying sun, with chilli and pepper, this tea is made from the souls of tea pickers of old with a blend of oolong. This tea is best brewed at 75 degrees C, but was boiled as an effigy by the Occupy Wall Street protesters. Best enjoyed with milk.
• DeformaTEA: An unusual tea, from a particularly pest ridden area. Strong pesticides are used to return a decent yield, resulting in a unique, but pleasing taste. A flavour that will be surely remembered for many generations to come.

Meaty Tea

INT. Kitchen - DAY

MICHAEL AND STEVE ARE LEANING AGAINST THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN  CLEANING THEIR COFFEE CUPS

Michael:

What? I must have been drinking something with milk in it, it’s all slimy inside

Steve:

Milkshake?

Michael:

All the boys are in the yard

Steve:

Is it better than mine?

Michael:

Damn right its better than yours

Steve:

Could you teach me?

Michael:

I would have to charge

MICHAEL AND STEVE CONTINUE TO CLEAN THEIR CUPS. STEVE REACHES FOR THE BOX OF TEA BAGS.

Michael:

Did you want to try one of my Argentinean teas?

Steve:

Your what now?

Michael:

I got some Argentinean tea at the markets on the weekend

Steve:

Oh

Michael:

You want to try it?

Steve:

Sure, I guess

MICHAEL REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND PULLS OUT A PLAIN LOOKING TEA BAG

Steve:

cheers

MICHAEL PULLS OUT A SECOND TEA BAG

Steve:

So what does it taste like?

Michael:

It’s a bit weird - smokey, kind of like a warn cup of jerky

MICHAEL TURNS OFF THE KETTLE EARLY AND POURS WATER INTO HIS AND STEVE'S CUP. THEY START DUNKING AND STEVE SNIFFS IS TEA AND LOOKS AT MICHAEL SUSPICIOUSLY.

Steve:

It is starting to smell a little meaty. How are you meant to have “Argentinean” tea?

Michael:

Medium rare

STEVE SHAKES HIS HEAD AND TUTS

Michael:

What? It’s a little meaty isn’t it?

STEVE GOES TO THE FRIDGE AND LOOKS INSIDE

Michael:

You’re not meant to have milk with it

Steve:

I’m not looking for milk; I’m looking for BBQ sauce

END

Rejected Tea Bar Flavours

• finaliTEA: a black tea, with bright citrus flavours and flecks of cyanide tablets
• dispariTEA: a hand rolled flowering tea, produced cheaply by exploiting 3rd world workers
• insaniTEA: an intense herbal infusion, with the occasional hallucinogenic mushroom to liven up your afternoon.
• extremiTEA: a light black tea, with some flesh included, from those workers that put their arms too far into the threshing machine
• fataliTEA: A fine oolong tea that may cause ejection of the spine. Jonny Cages tea of choice!
• conductiviTEA: A green tea, accented with metal fillings. Raidens favourite!
• insecuriTEA: The finest of white teas, you'll never feel adequate in comparison.
• uncertainTEA: We know exactly what kind of tea this is, unfortunately that means we have no idea where it is.
• InstabiliTEA: A blend of Assam and ceylon teas, with a dash of neurotoxin for arroma.
• RoyalTEA: We get 1% of the purchase price of this tea.
• FrivoliTEA: We'll laugh at you for buying the worst tea we have